


neon gravestones

by tosephjyler



Category: Fall Out Boy, Panic! at the Disco, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, BPD, Borderline Personality Disorder, Depression, Hospitalization, Hospitals, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, OCD, Obsessive-Compulsive, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Ohio, Panic Attacks, Schizoaffective, Schizophrenia, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-08
Updated: 2018-10-08
Packaged: 2019-07-20 19:06:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16143578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tosephjyler/pseuds/tosephjyler
Summary: "Too many hands," Tyler gasped. "Get off, get off, get off, get off, get off, get off." When none of them would, he thrashed even more, desperate to get out of their grasp. He wanted to go under, but not like this. He didn't want his demons to lower him into the ground.When they still wouldn't budge, his hands went up to his own face where most of them were and he scratched and scraped and cried for them to get off.Accept it Tyler.NO.They just want to help you to the other side. They'll help you get better. This is the only way. You know this is the only way. It'll make everyone's lives easier. It just begins with you.NO.Let the darkness consume you. You can do it. No one's trying to hurt you.We're helping you."I don't want to go," Tyler sobbed. "I don't want to go, I don't want to go, I don't want to go."Let go Tyler. You'll finally be free.He believed him. He let go and let the darkness take over him.





	neon gravestones

**Author's Note:**

> So hi. I really hope you enjoy. xx

"'You're so strong, Ty.' 'Oh, I'm proud of you Ty.' They're all fucking lying to you." Tyler nodded.

"I know."

"The world would be so much better without you."

Another nod.

"I know."

"Tell them about me." He looked up from the tear stained paper and to the guy sitting right in front of him. You'd think he was sitting in front of a mirror, but no, that was a person. A person that only he could see and hear.

"But you always tell me not to," Tyler disagreed because even after all of the trauma he put him through, he still listened to him.

"I know," he mocked. "But I want them to know. It's time." Tyler furrowed his eyebrows, and though it was dark in the room, he could sense his confusion. "I want them to know who killed you." Tyler nodded once more.

"Okay," he said, and he looked back down on the paper. The pen dragged against the paper with ease, his handwriting elegant, yet his hands shaking. He wanted the last thing he wrote to be the nicest.

"I can see the looks on their faces now when they read my name, maybe even say it out loud. A look of terror and confusion," the dark figure stated as he daydreamed about it, his thoughts as dark as his silhouette. " _'I wasn't strong enough to keep him at bay this time. He won. This is my fall. This is how I die. But don't mourn for me. I don't deserve your tears. I was weak. I'm doing you a favor_ ,'" he read aloud as Tyler wrote the words on the paper.

"You're good at this," his voice cracked, but he didn't falter. He had already seen the worst of him.

"I am you," Blurry said, blinking as he stared at Tyler. "What do you expect?" Tyler shrugged and continued to write.

"'I'm sorry that I won't be able to watch Zack, Jay, and Maddy grow up,'" Blurry began reading once more. " _'I'm sorry that you guys won't see me get married. I'm sorry that you won't see me get that basketball scholarship from a college, dad. I'm sorry that I haven't been a good son. I'm sorry that I stay in my room all of the time. I'm sorry that it was so hard for me to get up in the mornings. I'm sorry I had to leave. I'm sorry I had to leave. I'm sorry I had to leave. But I couldn't take it anymore_ ' - Jesus your so pathetic it's fucking making me sick."

Another tear rolled down Tyler's cheek until it ran off of his chin and landed on the paper.

"' _I'm sorry it had to be this way_ ,'" Tyler finished, whispering the words before looking up at Blurry. "I'm ready."

"You know what to do." He did, and that's what scared him the most. But nonetheless, he grabbed the pill bottle from the side of his bed. It wasn't his. It was his dad's. "Hurry the hell up," Blurry hissed. "Chris is gonna come up here and get you for the game."

He was in his uniform and everything. But this time he wouldn't be making it to the game. It was Senior night too. What a shame.

"FUCKING DO IT YOU PUSSY BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!" He struggled with the lid a little bit after Blurry shouted at him, but he managed to get it open without the pills flying everywhere. 

There was no time. He could hear his dad's footsteps as he made his way up the stairs. He had to hurry if he wanted to escape. 

He put the lid up to his lips, opened his mouth, and tilted his head back as if he were taking a shot. Good thing he went to all of those parties after homecoming. It made it way easier to do this.

"Hey Ty you ready to leave?" Chris's voice echoed throughout the room. But Tyler didn't worry. It was already done. 

"I'm already leaving," his hoarse voice called back. "I beat you to it." There was a pause.

"What do you mean?" Chris asked cautiously. He slowly began to turn the door knob, but it wasn't even twisted halfway before it stopped. He pulled on it a few more times as if it would help, but it didn't budge. "Tyler open this door right now."

**Don't do it. He's going to come in here and ruin everything. Don't let him take this away from you. You're so close.**

Blurry was gone. He had returned to the place he inhabited the most - his mind. 

"I won't. He won't get to me. I'm leaving. I'm leaving. This is what I want. This is how it should have always been," he muttered to himself.

"Tyler Robert Joseph. I will bust down this door if you don't tell me what's going on," Chris shouted.

"Go ahead!" he shouted back. "There's nothing you can do about it! I'm a lost cause! Go to the basketball game coach because I'm not gonna make it!"

There was silence for a moment. Tyler hated the silence. That's when Blurry was shouting at him. But now he was quiet because he had finally gotten what they both always wanted. For Tyler to be gone. Blurry's silence didn't calm him down either. If anything it made it worse. Because this was actually happening he was actually going to die.

Tears spilled from his eyes as he let out a loud sob.

What if he didn't want to die after all? There was so many things he could do with his life. He could graduate high school. He could have a family. He could be a professional basketball player.  **STOP.** He could've been so much more.  **YOU WANNA DIE. YOU'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO. YOU DON'T BELONG IN THIS WORLD. YOU'RE A PIECE OF SHIT. A WASTE OF SPACE. NO ONE WANTS YOU HERE. NOT EVEN YOUR OWN FUCKING FAMILY.**

There was pounding, and Tyler thought that it was just his head. It wasn't until that the door busted down and his dad and Zack entered.

"Jesus Christ Tyler what did you do?" he asked when he found his son shaking. Now Chris wasn't one to use the Son's name in vein, but now seemed like an acceptable time. Jesus would forgive him. His son's life was on the line. He would understand.

"Dad," Tyler sobbed as he collapsed to the ground.  **LOOK AT YOU. SO WEAK. YOU CAN'T EVEN STAND UP. STOP FIGHTING IT.** "I'm done fighting."

He wanted to let the darkness take over his vision. He didn't want to see the broken look on his little brother's face. Zack didn't deserve this. He didn't deserve any of it. Neither did Chris. They should leave. Get out of here before they could watch him fall.

Arms wrapped around him, and he thrashed, trying to escape. He was suffocating. He wanted them to get off. Get off. Get off. Get off. "GET OFF!"

More hands appeared, all of them pale and cold. They reached at him. Some grabbed his skin. It fell apart at the touch. He was already decomposing and he wasn't even dead. But this is what he wanted right? 

"Chris what's going on?" he could hear through all of the demons screaming at him. Or was that his screaming? "What's wrong with Tyler?"

"Tell them I'm not making it to the game Kelly." His voice broke like he was crying. Why was he sad? This was what was best for everyone. Why couldn't he see that Tyler was doing something right for once? Why was he disappointed. This was the rest decision. He knew it was. He had to. "Neither is Tyler."

"Too many hands," Tyler gasped. "Get off, get off, get off, get off, get off, get off." When none of them would, he thrashed even more, desperate to get out of their grasp. He wanted to go under, but not like this. He didn't want his demons to lower him into the ground. 

When they still wouldn't budge, his hands went up to his own face where most of them were and he scratched and scraped and cried for them to get off.  **Accept it Tyler.** _NO._ **They just want to help you to the other side. They'll help you get better. This is the only way. You know this is the only way. It'll make everyone's lives easier. It just begins with you.** _NO._ **Let the darkness consume you. You can do it. No one's trying to hurt you.**

**We're helping you.**

"I don't want to go," Tyler sobbed. "I don't want to go, I don't want to go, I don't want to go."  **Let go Tyler. You'll finally be free.** He believed him. He let go and let the darkness take over him.

 


End file.
